Being the Bigger Person: It’s For YOUR Peace of Mind
How many of us have had to deal with that not-so-kind person?
I don’t know about you, but at times, I want to strangle them.
It happens to the best of us.
Even those who practice mindfulness daily.
We are human.
But then, you grow.
To be the bigger person.
To be the bigger leader.
Even when you don’t want to.
Why would you do that?
For Peace of Mind.
By arguing with them, being petty, fighting with them, and getting aggravated, all it does it let them win and upset YOU more!
I love Brene Brown and one day to aspire to be in her tribe.
In her two books Daring Greatly and Dare to Lead she shares some powerful insights.
I printed this to be on my wall so I can remember it always! (Right click and save and print )
If you desire to be a leader, consider this
Being the bigger person, caring about the whole instead of the one, these are leaders.
True colors will show in people and on people.
You don’t even have to do anything.
You just have to be above it all.
My ex-spouse used to say and old British saying… “Don’t worry, they will get their just deserts!”
There is more info on it here CLICK FOR MORE
The hardest part is being right with myself to be the bigger person so often.
It gets tiring.
It gets old.
It gets frustrating.
considering the alternative of letting it affect my peace of mind…worth it every time!
So let them do their thing and you do yours.
Be the best version of yourself that you can be.
Be the bigger person because that is who you are.
The ones who matter will notice.
Do you feel like you are barely holding on?
Do you feel like you are holding onto something or someone that you need to let go of?
Do you need to find a way to let go of your past?
Are you afraid to let go of things in your life you know aren’t serving you but you don’t know what else to do?
The therapists and the coaches and maybe even your friends keep telling you how simple it is, “Just Let Go” but to you, it is not that easy.
You want to let go of your toxic relationship with a family member, but they are family and maybe you still have to see them, or maybe you think your family will be mad at your for removing that person from your life. I am not denying that any of that might happen, because it could. But let me ask you this?
Aren’t you worth it?
Is it worth holding onto something that you know is not serving you or will serve you in its present state?
Maybe you are holding onto a job that you hate, the boss makes you feel like crap or makes you cry all the time. You think you need to stay here and be miserable because that is what society has told you. Guess what? That’s a lie. You are fully capable of getting and finding a job that suits, you that people don’t treat you like crap. If you want it, manifest it!
Why are you making yourself miserable every day? Did you know there is the perfect job with your name on it just waiting for you? Did you know there is the perfect person for you who will love you and you two will be whole together? Did you know that happiness for you is actually right around the corner?
Most likely if you are reading this, you or someone you know feels like they are barely holding on. Barely holding on to their job, barely holding on to a relationship, barely holding on to life. If you are barely holding on, did you know that you are already one step towards letting go?
Is it scary to let go? Hell yes!
Are you in the what if world? What if this happens or what if that happens? Your world will not change until you decide to change it. That means if you need to let go, if you are barely holding on, the universe has already given you the answer…let go and take chance on life.
How do you do that?
There are those of us like me, who can leap without a net, who can jump when we don’t know what is underneath us, who let’s go, not knowing what will happen next.
Then there are those who need to plan a bit more. I bet that is you. It’s ok to plan. Planning is a good thing. I plan, business models, business plans, task lists, I plan spontaneous time even! There are just certain things I don’t plan and those things I leap.
How do you plan to let go?
- Write a pro/con list. Pros and cons of your current situation or relationship
- Write a list of what is your ideal of this situation or relationship
- Compare the two- which one wins
- Now start planning HOW you will take action towards that goal of letting go
- Maybe save up money, look for new work on certain sites, update your resume, update postings, stop using a Credit card, etc to leave the job you hate
- Maybe start talking to others about your relationship, a therapist or someone who can help you heal inside your heart, work backward to when you want to leave and list the steps you need to take to get there.
- Start taking time for yourself. Many times I will find people are feeling things are toxic or they want to let go because they are overwhelmed. They might be doing too much and not taking enough “Self Love self-care” time for themselves.
I have given you three FREE worksheets out of my book Falling Into Fabulous: A Phoenix Rising for you to play around with. To buy my book for the rest of the workbook and my personal transformation story, buy my book on Amazon or other fine retailers.
FIF_ The Least List_ Yucks, Hates, Ain_t Gonna Do_s and Nope, You Can_t Make Me (Right click, save as)
FIF_The Most List_ Likes, Loves, Laughs & Money (Right click, save as)
FIF_ Letting go (Right click, save as)
XoXo Trisha Trixie
“When given the option of being fabulous, why would you choose anything else?”
Have you ever experienced personal trauma in your life?
Would you share it with others?
How did you overcome it?
I asked these brave volunteers to share their story of trauma and overcoming to maybe give you a spark of hope that you too can overcome the adversities and trials of your life!
(Links to each volunteer provided if you would like to reach out to them further)
Several years ago I died and had 22 minutes of CPR to come back to life. I was and continue to be a nurse practitioner. I recognized multiple troubling physical, emotional and cognitive deficiencies post-resuscitation. Literally crawling back into a life I learned so much about the power needed to not only come back but to master life afterward. I was completely lost, afraid and angry. I was actually suicidal – continually focusing on what was wrong and bad. Finally, out of the depths, I recognized I needed help. I could not go through this alone. I began to ask for and accept help. I engaged trusted friends, family and colleagues asking them what I could and should do and followed through. Things started to get better – I was gaining traction.
I also decided if I was to get my cognitive ability back, I needed to return to school. I earned a master’s degree as well as a doctorate after my survival. My doctoral research expressly involved trauma…looking at others who endured significant harrowing events and eventually and overtime not only survived but thrived; not in spite of what happened but as a direct result of the traumatic event. I created a word to designate this opportunity and capacity for enhanced recovery, Metahabiliation. My research brought forth a better understanding of this ability as well as a clinical pathway guiding one toward a more productive and growth outcome.
This research, as well as post-doctoral inquiry, provided the foundation for my book: Turning Tragedy Into Triumph. Metahabilitation; A Contemporary Model of Rehabilitation. It also empowered me-provided me with a distinct purpose in life: to assist individuals enduring challenges and traumas to survive but also to growth post-event.
I created a course at Sacramento State, where I just became a full professor, called: Traumatology; An Introduction to Posttraumatic Growth. My ongoing area of research involves trauma-informed care with an expertise on post-traumatic growth (PTG)…or using traumatic experiences to empower survivors to master their fate and grow.
Joyce Mikal-Flynn Ed.D, RN, MSN, FNP
Survived Gas Explosion
I am a survivor of a near-death gas explosion in my mid 20’s. I was literally blown out of my house, lost everything I owned and have 35 stitches on my face and a hole in my head that has since healed.
I overcame the trauma through tons of yoga, eating clean, self-care and the biggest one was finding my purpose and calling in life.
When you can find meaning in a trauma is helps you heal. I took the event as a sign that I needed to do more with my life. So I got certified as a health coach and quit my job 2 yrs later and never looked back. I now empower other women to find meaning in their life.
Jenn Edden, Huntington, NY
Jenn Edden, CHHC
Sugar Addiction Expert & Empowerment Coach
Grab a complimentary copy of Jenn’s book: Woman Unleashed & learn how to kick cravings in under 7 days!!
Survived a Hurricane
On September 6, 2017our home in St. Thomas was destroyed by Hurricane Irma, a category five hurricane that ravaged the island. As I look back on that experience, there were many traumatic moments along the way. The first was watching our home fall apart.
Yes, my family and I were in the house when it was destroyed. We had to run into the bathroom and hide there for hours while the storm passed. Hiding in that bathroom, terrified because I didn’t know if we were really safe there,not knowing what we would do if the roof in the bathroom blew off, sitting on the edge of the bathtub scared while my daughters crouched in the bathtub scared as well and my husband on the verge of tears from the fear was on the worst moments I ever had in my life.
I just sat there and with each moment, I prayed as hard as I could to God to please let us get through this and keep my babies safe. But in reality, I couldn’t even breath. As the hours passed and the storm started to die down, the tension started to release from my shoulders as I slowly began to realize that we made it. We survived unhurt. Little did I know this would just be the beginning of the major changes we were about to go through as a family.
As we came out of that bathroom, like refugees hiding in a bomb shelter, and we saw the destruction in the house, I looked around and told myself, “Now is not the time to think about this. We need to create a shelter where we can spend the night until the daylight comes back.” And that is what I did. I went into auto mode and we used one of the only rooms where the roof was still on, put a couple of mattresses on the floor and spent the night there.
However, what I just did there was put myself on auto mode for this whole experience. When we woke up the next morning, again on auto mode, I told everyone not to worry about the damage in the house, that we need to focus to clear the road, dig ourselves out so that someone can come and get us out of here. My focus was that I could not let my babies sleep there again. So, we spent most of the days cutting down trees and clearing the road so that my father could come and rescue us. Once my father arrived and he took us back to a safe place, we all ate something, our first real meal in almost two days and we took a hot shower. The house he took us to had a full generator and was not damaged. As I sat in that shower, seeing the smiles on my daughter’s faces, I wanted to just burst into tears.
What in the world just happened? How did I get here? But I didn’t want them to see me cry, or anybody else for that matter, so again, I put myself on auto mode. The next few days were about trying to recover what personal items we could from our destroyed homes. Tears filled my eyes everytime I stepped into the house and saw all of our things scattered as if they meant nothing. It got to the point where I couldn’t even go there anymore to salvage items. My husband took over and left me behind to organize what was retrieved. As time went by and I was trying my best to figure out how to make life normal again for my family, Hurricane Maria arrives and creates more destruction on the island.
At this point, we were forced to move to Miami. The trauma of having to break the news to our daughters, who cried because they didn’t want to leave their home, to have to leave all of our loved ones behind, including my father and then packing whatever clothes we could for the journey was overwhelming. I remember arriving in Miami like a zombie. I couldn’t even eat. I just wanted to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and hope that the next day I could start again. And this is when we started the journey of building our new life in Miami. It was not easy. The adjustment on my daughter was difficult and building a new home and life for us was no easy task. But we did it.
What I didn’t realize is that I put myself on auto mode for so long, that I didn’t realize I was still in auto mode. I was going through the motions of life but you could tell that mentally I was checked out. Somehow, I made this my way of dealing with all this trauma. But it was not a good way.
It wasn’t until someone said to me, “We are alive. We made it. Just focus on that and be happy.”, that I realized, he’s right. I need to wake up, accept what just happened as a life experience but move on and live life. If anything, this taught me that life is fragile and so important. That, someone, was my husband. Ten months later, I still remember what happened like it was yesterday and I still shiver at the thought of it. I still struggle with committing to long-term plans because part of me has realized that the future is never certain and can be changed in seconds. But I am working on it. I keep reminding myself every day that we are alive and safe and use that as motivation to get over this traumatic experience and live life with my beautiful family.
God found it necessary for us survive, I can’t let it be for nothing.
(from Trixie…I cried editing this whole piece. When I got to this part, I burst into tears. This is how I feel about my Cancer, my life, my obstacles. If you have survived, triumphed over tragedy, tell yourself this regularly! For some reason, we were meant to survive. We can’t let it be for nothing)
Check out her blog at Thoughts and Feelings
Survived Life’s Constant Obstacles
“Childhood abuse, chronic illness, asthma, depression, anxiety, panic
attacks and Total Brokenness…
Auto/Semi Truck accident, Fibromyalgia, Lupus, multiple life-altering
injuries that left her disabled and bedridden for twelve years…
Anyone of these could cause someone to quit and stay down…
But NOT Elizabeth, she’s an overcomer who gets back up and keeps fighting.
Through her stubbornness, will to survive, and strong faith she manages to
get up every time and fight to not only to Survive but Thrive.
She fights not only for herself but for others who are struggling with
hardships in their life. She earned her Masters Degree in Naturopathic
Medicine and uses it along with her experiences to spreads her message,
through professional speaking, writing, and coaching. that you are stronger
than any adversity that tries to knock you down.”
Here is her story…
I have experienced many traumas throughout my life, from childhood abuse to an auto/semi accident that left me disabled and bedridden for twelve years. Recovery has been a long road of difficult ups and downs. It always seems just about the time I recover from one blow another comes along.
The traumas I experienced as a child began with being taken from my childhood home, where I had lived my entire life with the only family Iʼd knew, to live with my biological mother and stepfather at the age of six. Soon thereafter the emotional, mental, and physical abuse began.
I spent years as an adult feeling unwanted, unlovable, guilty, and unable to trust anyone. I spent years in counseling, recovering from the total brokenness from my childhood. As a Naturopath, I knew the importance of healing mind, body, emotions, and spirit. I worked hard to recover in all these areas.
After seven long years I was finally back on my feet and ready to pursue my dreams, only to be knocked down again by an auto/semi accident that left me disabled and bedridden for twelve years. You would think after all of this I would just quit, give up and stay down, but an overcomer is one who gets back up and keeps fighting. Through stubbornness, will to survive, and strong faith I manage to get up every time and fight to not only Survive but Thrive.
I am now the CEO of two successful businesses, a professional speaker, and wellness coach. I help others overcome trauma and adversity so that they can relentlessly pursue their dream.
Clamon Natural Health
As you can see…
…many other people, including you, have gone through some major personal traumas, adversities, and trials in their life. It never fails to amaze me, the people who can endure great, tragic, horrific and consuming trauma are able to find a way to overcome them. They not only overcome them, they leap over them, they push themselves to endure, persevere, and keep moving forward no matter what. I did not know until 2011, after taking Brave Girl’s Soul Restoration, that I had it in me to overcome. Since then, I have been conquering my obstacles one hurdle at a time. Sometimes those hurdles are small and you just step over them. Sometimes those hurdles in life are pole vaults and you need the “coping mechanisms of life” as your pole to encounter, endure and overcome them.
Regardless, those obstacles in your life, those traumas, those adversities, those trials, those experiences, are not brick walls. You CAN overcome them. You CAN endure. You CAN persevere. You CAN become the fabulous YOU that you were meant to be.
Isn’t it time for you to RISE UP and be the FABULOUS PHOENIX you were meant to be?
For more, Read my Transformation Story
and be the PHOENIX you were meant to be
Want to Dive right into the Toolkit? Choose Self-Led, Instructor Led or whatever Payment Plan works for you! E-Course: Time to Rise on Teachable
A few friends were talking about all my upcoming events and such and one commented on how “all of a sudden” I popped up over Social Media with my book and now I have the book tour, I am preparing for workshops and book signings and book readings and speaking gigs and more. the person next to us said, “Oh, I assure you, it did not happen overnight!” Then we all laughed and he replied, “Well, you make it look easy”
Funny thing is, I have heard that about my fabulous attitude as well. People always tell me how easy I make overcoming look. How simple I make it all sound. How streamlined I seem to have it and how I embody the term “You’ve Got This!”
Here is the reality behind all of that…
It didn’t happen overnight.
I have a friend who has known me since high school, Ed. I speak about him in my book a few times. Ed could attest to all the hard times, all the trials, all the adversities I have been through and overcome. He could attest to watching me suffer through a meth addiction. He could attest to me struggling for custody of kids and the heartbreak it caused me and my marriages. He could attest to my issues with men, high school, and becoming an adult amidst all the craziness in my world. He could attest to this struggles in my home, work, and life. Ed could share my stories almost as easily as I probably could.
It wasn’t until 2009 that I started to wake up.
In 2011, I took the first online Soul Restoration course from Brave Girls.
That launched off a series of other transformational blogs, courses, groups, and people.
By 2014 I finally was on the right track. My life was bliss.
In 2015 we moved to Colorado.
In 2016, I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer.
I am not one who feels life is perfect.
I am not perfect.
I am perfect in my imperfections.
I accept and allow now.
I see the silver lining.
I have learned how to handle the rocks life throws at me.
I realize life isn’t pretty and perfect, but I am thankful to be here and I am a realist and optimist. I see life for what it is, but still able to hope for something better for myself, others and the world.
Don’t get down on yourself if you are not quite where you want to be.
Fabulous doesn’t happen overnight.
Things take time.
Overcoming is an art.
I fell into fabulous for you.
My story and my workbook were created with YOU in mind.
You have the option to choose.
In every moment, every minute, every day…we always have the option to choose fabulously, so…
“When given the option of being fabulous, why would you choose anything else?”
Get your copy of my new book Falling Into Fabulous: A Phoenix Rising by clicking on the image or going to one of these retailers…
For those of you who have not read my book yet, I would like to start off by introducing myself, and why I think I am the right person to lead you on your quest to Be Fabulous. My full name is Patricia Ann Hunter-Merrill, but most of you know me by Trisha Trixie. I am 47 going on 48 (though I don’t look it), and I am a lover of life. I am Fabulous.
Many people who know me, know that I have undergone some dramatic, hard and unbelievable trials and adversity in my life. I was very fragile when younger and even in my twenties, up to my thirties…I believed I was a victim and though I was still smiling, underneath I had NOT released those insecurities and thoughts that were weighing me down. I am a child of divorce, loss of a father at a young age, molested, moved around to different states, raped, beaten, abused, lost my children in multiple custody battles to a manipulator of the system, I was hospitalized, I tried to kill myself on two occasions. I have suffered car breakdowns, loss, homelessness, drug addiction, multiple marriages, horrible breakups, and the list could go on. I once had a counselor ask me how I stayed sane and I replied: “By the grace of someone more powerful than me; that’s for sure!”.
I could have looked at my life and said “I give up” and as I said I tried. When I got my senses back, pulled up my bootstraps and dusted myself off, I realized…
I was actually blessed. I know you might think I am a whack-o-doodle for saying that, however; I think there are many times in life people only see the telescope of life in front of them. I choose to look at the Kaleidoscope of Life. Life is really beautiful; you just have to open your mind to it all. I could have turned away from life, dug myself into a hole and stayed there; I could have pulled the covers up over my head, and told the world I was not going to come out. You may have felt like that as well. The reality is: Life Happens. We need to just get on with it because it is going to go on no matter what. I don’t want to walk around grouchy, grumpy, or angry. I choose to live it in a happy, blissful state of mind. I choose to not let the trials and burdens of life and people weigh me down anymore.
I choose to be me. I choose to Be Fabulous!
Isn’t it time for YOU to Be the Fabulous person you were meant to be?
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My So-Called Life
Last October, I was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. To me, this was a big deal, yet at the same time no different than the other things in life I have had to overcome. The only difference is that this time the adversity and the trial was bigger than I was. It made me realize a few things that I wanted to share with you.
If I hadn’t had all the other adversities in my life I hadn’t had all the other child’s I don’t think that I would have been able to handle my cancer diagnosis. Think about it if the first time you ever have any trial in your life the trial is cancer how would it affect you what would go on in your head What would life be like what would your world be like I think you would just be overwhelmed and you wouldn’t know how to overcome it and you wouldn’t know how to think positive you wouldn’t know how to face life with a smile because you know that in the end, the storm passes the clouds disappear the sun in the rain rows come out and you can smile once again
Sometimes life has to fall out of place. Sometimes life has to bring you down. sometimes I feel like life has to smack you in the face or pull the rug out from underneath you for you to look around and go well what’s going on here what happened why am I in this situation? that’s at least how I look at things I don’t get freaked down anymore when the rug gets pulled out for me underneath me I might have a momentary lapse of reason but don’t we all have that to me that’s just being human what I’m talking about is true real ability to overcome and to face life head-on to see Life as a wonderful experience to see Life as a beautiful lesson until seeing Life as a wonderful gift because it is a gift that’s why it’s called the present
You have to fall out a place to fall into fabulous
You need to see that life has its adversities
You need to see that life has its trials
You need to see that you are not in control
And you need to see that someone else knows everything that you’ve been going through and is there for you and yes it is Heavenly Father but that’s not the only way I believe I believe in a higher power I believe in a Buddhist spiritualist oddly Mormon kind of belief I call myself a Buddhist Mormon because I believe in so many aspirations of the Buddhist world but yet I still call myself a Christian in the Mormon faith because I truly believe that with everything being Christ-centered a Mormon is just as much a Christian as anybody else
I take that spirituality with me wherever I go no matter which way I look at it I still look at it. Life gave me this trial adversity issue problem whatever it may be for a specific reason then I look at what are those reasons why am I going through this not why didn’t happen to me although this time with the cancer I did say why did this happen to me because I’ve been through so much I wondered what other lesson do I have to learn here what lesson do I need someone like me who’s over How much what would I need to actually go through this lesson what is this trying to teach me what I found out that it was trying to teach me was to receive and to allow and that goes to one of my acronyms that I learned in my mindfulness training I also wanted to share with you
Have you ever heard of the acronym called RAIN? R.A.I.N
The R stands for Recognize
We need to recognize what’s going on we need to be aware we need to be present we need to see life as it is we need to be in our body and recognize what’s going on in our Bonnie we need to be present outside of our body and find out what’s going on our body and what’s coming outside of it how are people treating us how are we allowing people to treat us and how are we handling those situations how is the world treating us and how are we handling those situations as well it’s all about recognizing being aware being present
The A stands for Allow
We need to allow those things to happen in our lives I think far too many times we fight off I don’t want that that doesn’t suit me that doesn’t fit in my plan right now I’m sorry I can’t do this world I’m sorry I can’t do this life and so we were treat and we don’t allow we hold everything inside of our bodies inside our hearts inside our thoughts and we don’t tell people how we really feel we don’t talk openly about the hurt that they may be causing us or perhaps even the hurt that life might be causing us we need to openly allow these things and say this is happening I allow it I may not like it but it’s still going to happen either way this is what I feel about process we may hate process but it’s still going to happen the laundry still needs to get done the dishes still need to get done stuff still has to happen if you’re not going to do those laundry or do the dishes yet by something like by paper plates or whatever and so you don’t have to do the dishes that’s fine but now that becomes your process buying paper plates for every time you don’t want to do the dishes see if you look around you. It’s all about perspective I talked about this a lot lately because I truly see that it really is about perspective it’s how you look at things do you look at life with a sad heart angry mad at the world why are these things happening to you how come you can’t get out of these circumstances why does this happen over and over? these are questions that I want you to explore and I want you to ask their self and then you only you will be able to answer those questions
The I stands for Investigate
this is the time when we really investigate what’s going on in our lives this is the time that we ask those questions why did this happen not why did this happen to me but why did this happen we ask herself questions like what do I have to learn from this lesson how can I apply this to my life how can I change this or how can I transform because I don’t want this anymore how can I release myself of toxic people and toxic things ask yourself over and over again one question of the other you know the questions that your body and your mind wants to be answered allow and investigate those questions to happen and then answer them honestly real rough raw authentic and wholeheartedly
The last one is N for Non-Identify
This is where we step outside of ourselves this is like asking her friend hey this is what I’m going through what do you think of this this is like asking ourselves those questions and looking back and seeing it again from a different perspective if you were the friend talking to you what guidance would you give to that friend now take that ask yourself those questions and give the guidance to yourself that you would be giving a friend that’s not identifying stepping outside of yourself and seeing things in a different light.
This is all part of falling into fabulous. You see as I said before sometimes you need to fall apart before you can fall into fabulous you need to be destroyed before you can be remade you need to be distracted before you can be reborn and you need to fall down to the depths of the ashes sometimes until you can rise up and be the Phoenix The Fabulous Phoenix that you were all meant to be I’m not the only Phoenix in this world I never claim to me and I never will I just think to be a phoenix because I have risen From the Ashes I have risen from the world that has given me nothing but trial and tribulation since I was 8 years old and I’m now 47 so count them that’s a lot of years to have to go through trial tribulation adversity loss and all the other many things that I’ve learned to overcome
I often say I know you can do it because I’ve done it too I don’t mean that to sound trite I seriously mean that I honestly feel that if I can overcome these things if I can overcome depression if I can overcome anxiety if I can overcome rape and molestation if I can overcome homelessness by can overcome loss of the custody of my children if I can overcome loss of businesses and loss of money if I can overcome cancer you can 2
Did you hear me? I said if I can do it you can too!
So are you finally ready to rise are you ready to rise up and overcome those things and obstacles toxic relationships that are in your life? if you’re ready to rise up and you’re ready to change go over to my page called The Risen and come join me in our group and I will help you to rise by my book and work with me in my workbook and let’s rise up together and show the world how fabulous you can really be.
Break through those barriers that held you back.
Break through the walls that were keeping you from moving on.
Break through to see past the old you into the new you that you need to be, want to be and were destined to be.
It’s time for introspection.
It’s time for fabulous.