Knees and Answers

“So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held.”

In the song that inspired my book it says there are times we are on our knees and the answers seem so far away. There were MANY, and I mean MANY times I felt this whn I was fighting for custody of my children. I fought since the boys were little, 6/7 years old and I kept fighting until they were in their teen years. I kept crying out to Heavenly Father “Why? Why can’t I have them. I have a stable home, I make good money. My life is together. Why can’t this be? ” I kept throwing money at the problem thinking that would help. I kept searching and yearning for answers in the temporal world. Yet, still the answer in the courts was always “No” I would go back to prayer and cry out again “Why?”

The answers seemed so far away for me and I just couldn’t understand. All i wanted was to be held. To be held by someone, anyone, but even then, my spouse at the time, was not enough.

I came upon scripture after scripture to come to Heavenly Father with a Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit and I poured myself unto him on my knees. I think at one time I was in prayer for about 3 hours. My knees were killing me and I ended up lying on the floor in a puddle of tears to a point of sobbing. You know that crying that you are barely breathing anymore? I felt defeated. I just couldn’t’ hold on anymore. I gave in. I let go.

I stopped holding on.

It was in that moment, I felt something like a blanket of love come over me.

I can’t explain anymore than to say, that in the moment I finally let go, I was held. It was as if Heavenly Father actually put his arms around me and held me in his embrace as if to say, “I’ve got you.”

When we let go and let God, things begin to move to shift.

Stop holding on and be held.